Style Crime#1: “On me ‘ead son”

Nobody could suggest that David Beckham isn’t a stylish example of manhood. He’s made it ok for straight boys from Romford to be into fashion. Girlfriends across the land must have breathed a sigh of relief as their men started to realise that it mattered what they looked like.

It’s not all good though, Beckham is largely responsible for propagating a grooming trend that makes me want to reach for the clippers and take to the streets.

Take a look here (third photo along) to see a rear view of the style crime I'm referring to.

Go into any average town on a Saturday night and you’ll unfortunately see plenty of men sporting, what I like to call, “2nd Division Footballer Hair” (or the 2DFH for short). Spikey on top. Short on the sides. Mullety at the back.

Now being a fashion butterfly Beckham had the sense to move on from this particular hairstyle quite quickly but sadly many of the men who have adopted it haven’t been so prudent.

This earns its status as my first crime against style for the very simple reason that it lacks style conviction. It is so very ‘nothing’ – seeking to ape edgier styles without the courage of its convictions.

Even though it is worn very short on the sides and long through the top it lacks the balls of a punky Mohawk (a style Beckham has also used) it also doesn’t manage to have the Air Guitaring Retro-Chic of a true Stadium Rock Mullet.

It is hair for Men who want to ‘fashionable’ without having to bother about trying to be stylish – the male equivalent of the dreaded ‘Rachel Cut’ that plagued women’s heads in the early 1990’s.

Girls I implore you, if your boyfriend is still guilty of this crime against style, wait until he goes to sleep and get those clippers going. I promise you he’ll thank you for it in time.